How to Include the Needs of Older Adults in Holiday Celebrations

By Elisabeth Cade, MA, MHA, CCC‑SLP, CDP
Speech-Language Pathologist

What does the holiday season look like in your family? For us, it means decorating our home, getting together with family and friends, cooking and eating the foods that make us feel comforted, catching up, and sharing memories. 

Holidays are joyful times, but they can also be stressful, especially for our older friends and family members who have physical and/or memory difficulties. Understanding the needs and strengths of our loved ones and using a little advanced planning can help everyone get the most out of the holidays.

Many people already consider dietary restrictions, pet allergies, and requirements of those who attend religious services. However, adding in a guest with physical and/or memory challenges requires additional planning and accommodations, and it can begin to feel more stressful than joyful. Thinking about the various needs of our guests—and ourselves—and planning accordingly is my key to not just surviving, but thriving during the holiday season.

Here are five areas to plan ahead for to ensure your guests all enjoy the celebrations you have planned. 

1. Accommodate Physical Limitations and Barriers

Consider physical barriers to ensure everyone can comfortably enjoy your holiday celebration. Our older loved ones may have difficulty walking longer distances and navigating stairs. They may rely heavily on “muscle memory” routines, and this repetition may be disrupted during the holidays. 

To mitigate this, plan festivities for the most accessible location. Consider things like stairs, grab bars/hand railings, and throw rugs. Look around and consider how those using canes, walkers, or wheelchairs might require changing the furniture arrangement. 

In addition, festive decorations can be uplifting, but they can also be distracting. Give older adults or those with mobility issues extra time to process the environment. Work to keep pets out from underfoot while also knowing that some might enjoy having a friendly pet on their lap.  If family gatherings are overwhelming, try staggering arrivals or having a quiet space for a loved one to “get away from it all” or even take a nap.

2. Plan Ahead for Dietary Restrictions

Mealtime brings its own set of challenges! If you know your Mom always wants to eat as soon as she arrives— plan to have snacks ready ahead of time. Dietary considerations may mean not just accommodating the needs of a vegetarian or gluten-free guest, but you may need softer or cut-up foods for someone who has difficulty chewing or swallowing. With a bit of planning, you can be sure there is something for everyone at your table.

3. Adapt to Communication Needs

Hearing loss is common as we age, and this affects how we communicate. For those with hearing loss, regardless of whether hearing aids are used, group settings add a layer of complexity to regular communications. 

Make conversations more successful by: 

• Decreasing background noise. Turn off or lower holiday music at mealtime to help everyone pay attention to eating and each other.
• Get closer! Seat your older adults near those they will most want to talk to.
• When starting a conversation, try to be face-to-face and ensure eye contact while speaking. Using a gesture or starter phrase (“I was thinking…”, or, “By the way…”, or, “Hey Dad…”) can also help you get someone’s attention and eye contact.

4. Ensure You Know Religious Requirements

Consider the demands as well as the benefits of religious services. Familiar faces, music, routine, and repetition are some of the keys that can make attending services comforting for your loved ones.

However, there is some planning required to ensure it’s a comfortable and stress-free experience. If you know your loved one has trouble sitting for too long, a shorter service might be best. Many of our seniors, especially those with dementia, enjoy music. If so, attending a service with more music would be a good choice. If distraction is an issue, finding a service that will be less crowded could be the key.  

5. Preparation Increases Comfort and Ease

Some of our older friends and family like to know what to expect. They may be nervous that they won’t recall names or family relationships. We can help them be more comfortable in the moment by giving them a verbal or written schedule before the festivities. Reviewing ahead of time, perhaps several times, and including a “who’s who” list in addition to the activity schedule can help ease stress. 

Be sure to avoid “quizzing” during this activity, and instead provide the information in a straightforward fashion. For example, saying, “Look at this picture of Lucy” instead of “Who is this?” does the trick. Labeling photos for low-stress, “errorless learning” will also allow your loved one to review the information on their own. 

Remind yourself: If you know your Grandma tends to repeat herself and tell the same stories over and over, be more patient and respond with interest or affirmation instead of with irritation.

Manage the Stress for a More Joyful Holiday with Older Adults

It’s hard for any of us to enjoy holiday celebrations while worried about everything involved. Plan some “be good to yourself” time throughout the holiday season. What do you do to recharge your battery or feel at peace? If physical activity is your go-to, include time in your schedule for that walk or run to clear your mind. For a quick fix, try 4-7-8 breathing (4-7-8 Breathing Method For Sleep and Relaxation – Cleveland Clinic). To do this, breathe out fully. Inhale for the count of 4 seconds, hold your breath to the count of 8m and exhale to the count of 7. Repeat several times and enjoy a calmer mind, decreased anxiety, and even reduced heart rate and blood pressure.

There are lots of online resources and apps available for guided meditation (here’s a list of some apps to choose from: Choosing the Best Mental Health App for You – Cleveland Clinic). Not only can increased mindfulness help you in the moment, but it can improve your brain health as well (5 Ways to Improve Your Brain Health – Cleveland Clinic). Practicing these activities with your older loved one as well could encourage them to join in, which is a win-win for everyone! 

Enjoying the holidays with older adults can bring its own set of challenges, especially if physical, memory, or communication skills abilities are declining.  By knowing a few tricks, planning ahead, and taking care of yourself, your holiday season will be a success!